Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Caring for Yourself By Lelia R. Downing, Urban Regional Extension Agent

Have you ever felt like no one appreciates the time you put into your grandchildren? When you are caring for children, it may seem like there are not enough hours in the day. You may spend most of your time taking care of others and have little time for the things you enjoy. But it's important to take time out for you. Here are some ideas on how to take care of yourself by managing your time wisely, using relaxation and exercise, and taking time-outs to regroup.

Managing Your Time

Time cannot be saved; it can only be used. Becoming an efficient time user has many payoffs, including increased satisfaction, more relaxation, and much less stress. Your habits affect your use of time. Changing habits in order to use time more effectively requires self-discipline. The first step is to be honest with yourself and begin to identify some problem areas. To use time wisely, you have to control time wasters. Only through self-discipline will you have the time to do the things that are important to you. Here are some things you can do now to become a more effective time user.

• Establish a plan to help you review all of the things you want to accomplish. Set priorities according to what needs to be accomplished within that day, week, or month. Break the big jobs into many little tasks.
• Use a "to-do" list. Write down the things you plan to do during the day. Prioritize the list. Start with the most important item on your list. Stay with it until you have finished before moving on to the next item. This will give you a sense of accomplishment because you are now completing the tasks most important to you. If something unexpected comes up, look at your priorities and decide where it fits.
• Use your prime time. What time of day are you at your highest energy level? Some people are at their best in the morning. Others do their best work at night. Use prime time for jobs requiring the most attention and effort.
• Try delegating tasks. You don't need to do everything yourself. Give some of the tasks to your grandchildren. Even young children can help set the table. Older children can fold laundry, take out the trash, and help cook dinner. When delegating, be certain to tell your grandchildren what you want done, how they should do it, and when they should finish. Children learn a lot by helping you with daily tasks. They learn that living together requires working together. Their self-esteem increases and they become more responsible when they have chances to help at home. Children learn to be responsible when those who care for them set a good example. Expect your grandchildren to give as well as receive. Show them how to do things for themselves, and remember that most children are capable of taking on more responsibility than they are given.
• Learn to say, "No." This allows you to exercise control over your life. Choose the activities that are most meaningful to you and devote your time to them. Don't feel obligated to do something just because someone asks.
• Practice the barter system. Swap jobs with family members or others.
• Do two things at once. Identify small tasks you can do with someone else such as unloading the dishwasher while talking on the phone. Or have the grandchildren help you wash the dishes, making it a time you spend together.
• Use your waiting time. Keep a list of five- or ten-minute tasks that can be done while you wait for others. You might balance the checkbook while waiting to pick up grandchildren, or make a to-do list during practices.
• Clean the clutter. Create a comfortable work area. Throw away unnecessary papers, sell or give away unused items, and have a place for everything. This will help you feel organized and ready to get things done.
• Eliminate any once-useful habits that are now first-class time wasters. You do not have to accomplish something every minute of the day, but using time poorly means leaving some work unfinished, which can be frustrating. Here is a list of common time-wasters. Do you recognize any?
  • Worrying about something you have no control over such as things that happened yesterday.
  • Not communicating effectively. (People have to know what you want them to do in order to be able to do it.)
  • Being negative, defensive, critical, or petty.
  • Being inflexible or rigid in the way you do things.
  • Not taking time for self-renewal.
  • Not scheduling time for healthy, enjoyable family life.
• Try planning backwards. It may work better than if you planned ahead. Say you must be at a meeting at 8:00 p.m. Plan your evening this way: It takes 15 minutes to get there, so I must leave by 7:45 p.m. I must change clothes by 7:30 p.m. I need to be finished eating by 7:15 p.m. and I must be preparing dinner by 6:30 p.m. That kind of backward thinking really works!

Relaxation and Exercise

Relaxation and exercise are two good ways to reduce physical tension and maintain good health. Relaxation only requires a quiet place and a comfortable position. Find a regular time to relax. Play some soothing music. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Think about all the good things in your life. Even ten minutes will help. Regular exercise such as walking three times a week for at least 20 minutes, can also help to reduce tension, increase your energy, and improve your health. Encourage your grandchildren to walk with you, go swimming, or bicycle riding together.

Taking Time for Yourself

As a grandparent raising grandchildren, it is normal to sometimes resent the changes in your life parenting causes. When you begin to feel stressed, it is time to take a "timeout". Set aside time to do something you enjoy. Find someone else to care for the children. Find a hobby you enjoy like gardening, swimming, or photography. Make a list of what you like best about yourself. Celebrate small victories with things you enjoy like a hot bath or a few minutes to read a favorite book. Taking time for yourself will give you the energy needed to continue taking care of your family. Your grandchildren can learn from your positive example. Seeing you take care of yourself will help them to accept and value themselves as well.

The University of Georgia and Ft. Valley State University, The U.S. Department of Agriculture and counties of the state cooperating.

Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, The University of Georgia College of Agricultural and Environmental Sciences and the U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Gale A. Buchanan, Dean and Director