Many people in the United States long for a time when people were kinder or more polite to one another. An American Bar Association (ABA) Survey indicates that most people believe civility is an afterthought, living in an internet culture that pervades every corner of our lives. But as the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said, “You can disagree without being disagreeable.” Civility can be practiced at any time, particularly at work and school.

National Civility Month

August is designated as National Civility Month in the United States. It was established by the International Institute for Civil Leadership in 2014. The primary focus is dedicated to spreading the need to embrace civility in a digital age. Practicing civility, however, is something everyone should embrace 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Promoting Civility

What can be done to promote a more understanding and civil society? It all starts with how we manage day-to-day interactions. Difficult conversations do not have to be contentious and divisive. Difficult conversations can be used to foster greater understanding and extend compassion to those around us.

4-H programs, for example, promote civility by encouraging civic engagement and by teaching young people how to be informed. They also encourage youth to be active citizens in their communities and to show respect and compassion for others.

Tips for Practicing Civility

Concordia University offers 14 suggestions on how to practice civility.

1. Lead with kindness. Being kind is the first step to creating a space for civil discussion. A kind approach can soften a conversation, even when there is conflict.
2. Be the change you want to see. Your behavior influences how people treat you. If you want to be treated a certain way, try treating others that way. You never know who might be watching you.
3. Choose your battles. An argument can be prevented by simply asking, “Is this worth it?” Do not argue if something is not that important.
4. Respectful disagreement. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone. Our uniqueness is a beautiful aspect of being human. However, we can be respectful when disagreeing with someone. This goes a long way toward keeping things civil.
5. Active listening. When disagreements occur, we may find ourselves waiting for our turn to speak rather than listening to the other person. If we give our counterparts our full attention and make them feel heard, we can keep disagreements from going off the rails.
6. Focus on ideas, not people. Keep your comments focused on the ideas being discussed rather than resorting to comments about the person espousing those ideas. There is no going back once a door is open for personal comments.
7. Intelligence isn’t always agreement. Just because someone has a different view does not mean they lack intelligence. Trying to understand things is a better indicator of intelligence than dismissing others outright.
8. Manage your emotions. Getting emotional rarely leads to a more productive conversation. Do not let disagreements stir up feelings. If you find yourself getting emotional in a disagreement, try to pause the conversation and approach it rationally later.
9. Mind your tone. It is not always what it said, but how you say it when in a difficult conversation. Tone carries a lot of meaning and can cause the other person to become upset quickly.
10. Mind your manners. A conversation may shut down when there is sarcasm, name-calling, or other attacks. There will likely be no progress made on either side. Just walk away if you think you might lose your manners or notice someone else has lost theirs.
11. Facts over assumptions. Assumptions lead to misunderstandings. Stick to what has been said in a conversation. There is no need to put words in someone’s mouth if they are available to tell you what they mean.
12. Seek understanding. Do not view conversations as a chance to win an argument or convert a person to your views. Instead, approach conversations with an attempt to understand the other person.
13. Focus on solutions. Start from a mindset of finding solutions to be better equipped to solve problems. By navigating conversations with civility in mind, you can begin to develop strategies to help you find solutions.
14. Celebrate differences. Throughout conversations, there are opportunities to celebrate your differences. Some people may feel threatened and defensive when they are treated differently. But celebrating differences allows you to keep conversations on an even keel.

Make an Impact

The ABA’s survey found that 85 percent of people said civility in today’s society is worse than it was 10 years ago. While many outside factors contribute to this decline in civility, people can make an impact on this distressing trend by following these suggestions.