YFCS-2/3.3, New Nov 2000. Molly Gregg, Extension 4-H Program Specialist

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Wellness Education Project Building a Positive You!

"Be Good to Yourself"

If you have participated in all of the activities of the Alabama 4-H Wellness Education Project, you are well on your way to doing what you need to do to be good to yourself. As you know from participating in this project, part of being good to yourself is developing lifelong skills that help you do the following:

• Enjoy eating well
• Enjoy being active
• Express your creative self
• Think positive
• Accept yourself

There are a few other things that you need to learn to do to REALLY BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. Add these skills to the other life skills you have been working on in this project; you will have built a really positive you!

Be a Good Communicator

One of the hardest things for people to learn to do is to be a good communicator. Good communication skills will help you in school, in relationships, and on the job. Communication is a two-way street. Not only do you need to be able to express your needs, wants, and desires to others you also need to be able to understand the needs, wants, and desires of others. Below is a list of communication do's and don'ts.

Communication Do's

• Listen. Don't assume you already know what someone is going to say. Listen and listen closely.
• Look the person in the eyes. Focus on the person to whom you are talking. Let that individual know that you are listening and that what he or she is saying is important to you.
• Ask questions. Think about all of the times you have had a conversation with someone when you were given instructions on how to do something only to discover that when you attempted to do the task it could not be completed because you did not ask enough questions. This might have been directions to a party, a homework assignment, or a telephone message. If what another person is saying to you is not clear, let him or her know and ask questions.
• Listen completely. Don't interrupt; listen to all of what someone has to say to you even if you don't like it.
• Resist distractions. Don't try to carry on a conversation and do homework or watch TV at the same time. You need to maintain eye contact with the person to whom you are talking.
• Be open minded. Don't live in a box. Listen to what other people say even if it is very different from what you have heard before. They may be offering a really new, yet creative way of solving a problem or completing a project. There is always more than one way to solve a problem or to do something.

Communication Don'ts

• Interrupt
• Raise your voice or yell
• Call someone names
• Blame
• Force or threaten
• Laugh at people
• Assume you understand
• Make snap judgements. Think about all of the times you have had a conversation with parents or a friend and they have said no even before you have finished what you had to say. This usually happens because people have assumed they know what you are going to say and they make snap judgements.
• Say always or never. How often do you say to your parents, "You never let me do anything?"
• Offer advice when it's not requested

Following is a series of phrases. Read each phrase and next to it write whether you think the phrase encourages or discourages communication. Talk over your answers with a parent or friend to see if they agree with you.

Tell me more about that.

That's a really stupid idea.

I don't believe a word you are saying.

Help me understand what you mean.

Are you saying that . . .

Yeah right, you don't know what you are talking about.

Set Goals

Knowing our goals makes it more likely that we will attain them. After all, if we don't know what we want, how can we attain it? Goals are easier to accomplish when they are clear, specific, and broken down into small steps that are easier to manage. Before you begin to set your goals, you need to have a good understanding of yourself. Specifically, you need to know what you do well, what you enjoy doing, and what the most important things in your life are. Once you have done some work to define these things, you are ready to start writing goals. Below are guidelines for setting your goals.

• Make your goals clear and specific. A goal should tell you exactly what you want and should be measurable. For example: "I want to score 25 three-point shots in basketball this season" is both clear and specific. "I want to improve my basketball game this season" is not clear and specific and does not identify a way to measure success.
• Goals should be positive. Say, " I want to fit into my new dress by Christmas" rather than "I don't want to be so fat."
• Set time limits and give yourself a reasonable deadline in which to accomplish your goal.
• Break your long-term goals into smaller parts. If your ultimate goal is to be a movie star, set a realistic and specific short-term goal of being in a school drama production this year.
• Write your goals in your 4-H journal. Keeping your goals where you will see them often will help you keep focused on achieving them.
• Check your progress. Evaluate your progress toward your goals. Are you doing what you need to do to meet your goals? If not, what can you do to get on track? Write three clear, specific, manageable goals for the coming week.

1.

2.

3.

Below are some poorly defined goals. Rewrite each so it is specific, measurable, and realistic. Make sure each has realistic time constraints.

1. I don't want to eat as much junk food.

2. I want to get a job.

3. I want to get a nice car someday.

4. I want to do well in school this year.

Write clear, specific goals that you can attain in the time spans listed below. Be sure your goals are clear, specific, and manageable.

Goals I will accomplish by:

• the time I go to bed

1.

2.

3.

• next weekend

1.

2.

3.

• the end of the school year

1.

2.

3.

• the time I graduate from high school

1.

2.

3.

Pick any of the goals you have identified above and list specific actions that you will take to achieve that goal.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Manage Your Time

Time can be divided into three categories: self, school or career, and relationships. Time we spend on ourselves is the time spent fulfilling our personal needs such as sleep, fitness, church, hobbies, sports, eating, and so forth. Time spent on school or career is the time we spend at school or work, doing homework, and maintaining a home. Time spent on relationships is the time we spend with our mate or spouse, family, friends, and community.

When you have a balanced lifestyle, you spend an equal amount of time engaged in activities of self, school or career, and relationships. It can be very difficult to keep a balance among these three things, but each is equally important to your overall happiness and health.

Fill in the chart below by writing the number of hours you spend a day doing each activity. Don't count time twice. For instance, do not count time spent eating lunch at school as eating and school time.

1. Hours in a week: 168

2. Sleeping time: _______

3. Hours in school: ________

4. Hours in a job: ________

5. Time spent doing chores: ________

6. Eating time: ________

7. Necessities (dressing, showering): ________

8. Time in extracurricular activities (4-H, sports, dances): ________

9. Transportation time (to and from school or work): ________

10. Homework time: ________

Add lines 2 through 10:__________

Subtract from line 1:_____________

This equals your free time:________

How can you be using your free time to have a more balanced lifestyle? How can you better use your free time to accomplish the goals you have identified? Think about it and write some new goals in your 4-H journal.

Things to Do

• Practice good communication skills at home and at school. Write in your 4-H journal about the impact of practicing good communication skills.
• Listen and watch a friend or sibling communicate with his or her parent. Observe communication styles. Would either of them benefit from a copy of your communication do's and don'ts list?
• Make a "to do" list every day for a week. Record it in your 4-H journal. Do the most important things first when you have the most energy. At the end of the week, look at your "to do" lists to determine if you did everything that you set out to do. Does making a "to do" list help you manage your time more efficiently? If you did not get a lot accomplished, don't get discouraged. Go back and see if your "to do" list was realistic in terms of what you can accomplish in a day.
• Setting goals and working toward building a more positive you is a lifelong process. It does not stop--no one is perfect. We can each strive to improve ourselves every day. Sit down with your parents and ask them what their goals are. They may surprise you. Parents have dreams and desires that they are working toward too.
• Ask for help, if you need it. If there is a task that you do not have to do by yourself, ask other people for their help.
• Catch yourself wasting time and do something about it.
• Be sure that you schedule time to be active each day on your "to do" list.