YFCS-2/3.1, New Nov 2000. Molly Gregg, Extension 4-H Program Specialist

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Wellness Education Project Building a Positive You!

"Think Positive"

Eating well, being active, and expressing your creative self are not the only pieces to the puzzle of building a positive you. Part of being a more positive you is being able to understand your emotions and being able to respond to them in positive rather than destructive ways. Write down some of the emotions you have experienced today in your 4-H journal. The following are examples of emotion:

Happy	Sad	Afraid	Deep in thought
Disgusted	Lonely	In great pain	Worried
Furious	Confused	Impatient	Exhausted
Nervous	Embarrassed	Depressed	Bored

Sometimes, our emotions may change drastically throughout the day. Plot your emotions for one day by placing an X in the box that best describes your emotions at a given time. At the end of the day, connect the Xs with a red line. How much did your emotions change?

Time of Day

	8	9	10	11	12	1	2	3	4	5	6
HAPPY
SAD
ANGRY
ANNOYED
AFRAID
BORED
LONELY
NERVOUS
EXCITED

In each box, write what you do when you experience the emotion listed. Include both constructive and nonconstructive behaviors.

FRUSTRATED
ANGRY
SAD
HAPPY
AFRAID

People use various techniques called coping strategies to deal with unpleasant and painful situations or experiences. Sometimes a person's emotions are too much to handle so they use defense mechanisms that protect them from painful events. If these coping strategies are overused, it can prevent individuals from learning to express how they truly feel. Examples of coping strategies that people use to protect themselves are the following:

Denial. Can you think of a time when you lost a really important athletic competition or failed a test and acted as if nothing were wrong? When people asked if you were okay, you laughed and said you were not upset at all. This is denial.

Identification. Have you had a friend who likes a certain rock group so he or she dresses and talks the way they do? Sometimes people do this because they cannot find a group to belong to. Feeling like you do not belong is very painful; sometimes people assume the qualities of someone they admire in order to feel as if they belong.

Displacement. Have you ever been furious with a brother, sister, or parent and screamed at a friend? Displacement is when we transfer our anger from the real source of our anger to something else. Another example of displacement would be slamming your bedroom door after arguing with your parents.

Regression. Regression is reverting back to behaviors you exhibited when you were a child. For instance, you are mad at your sister for wearing your clothes so you scream and cry to your parents and run to your room.

When you are having negative thoughts or experiencing negative emotions, you may find it helpful to counter them with positive affirmations. You can use positive affirmations to build your confidence and to change negative behavior patterns into positive ones. Following are some common examples of NEGATIVE SELF-TALK. On the next page, write an appropriate form of POSITIVE SELF-TALK across from each negative thought. A few examples are provided.

Negative Self-Talk

1. To be a worthwhile person, I should be good at everything.
2. I should be liked, or approved of, by almost everyone.
3. I am a failure.
4. I can't do it.
5. People never change.
6. Every problem must have the perfect solution.
7. I can't help how I feel, and I feel miserable.
8. Everything I do must lead to an immediate reward or payoff.
9. If something could go wrong, it will.
10. What if my new teacher does not like me?
11. My family does not have as much money as everyone else living on my street.
12. My parents got into a fight, and it's all my fault.

Positive Self-Talk

1. I can't expect to be perfect at everything.
2. No one is liked by everyone. It is unrealistic to think that everyone will like me.
3. I didn't do very well this time. I will find out where I went wrong.
4. This is somewhat different to what I am used to. I will try to do better next time.

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What to Do!

It can be hard to be positive all of the time. In the real world, there are going to be times when you are mad, frustrated, sad, lonely, or hurt, and that's okay. What is not okay is not having the skills to deal with your emotions in constructive ways. Every day, in the newspaper and on TV, we are reminded that there are a lot of people--young and old--that cannot deal with their emotions properly and do things that hurt themselves and other people. Unfortunately, some of these people did not have people in their lives that let them know that they were valued and cared for. It would be hard to be a positive person if you did not think that anybody cared about how you felt or what happened to you. Below are ways for you to let the important people in your life know that you care about them. When you care about someone, something remarkable happens--that person cares back.

• If you hear someone engaging in negative self-talk, give him or her a positive self-talk pep talk.
• Write in your 4-H journal about the best teacher you ever had. Let that teacher read what you wrote.
• In your 4-H journal, write about the meanest thing that you ever saw someone do. Did you do anything about it? If you did not, think about what you know now about emotions. How would you handle the situation differently?
• What burdens would you lift from your family and friends if you could? Write them in your 4-H journal. For example, you could list your grandmother and say you would like to remove her pain from a heart ailment or list a neighbor and say you would like to take away his anger over a recent job loss.
• In your 4-H journal, write the names of six people to whom you would like to give a present. Write what you would give that person, keeping in mind that money is no object. The gift can be material--a house or a car--or it can be intangible (something you cannot see or touch) like love, understanding, or patience.