The Distinguished Gentleman
A Touch of Class

Social Graces

For Men Only

• A well-mannered young man never boasts about his conquests or criticizes other dates.

• When you call a young woman for a date; identify yourself immediately and be specific by saying, "Would you like to go to a movie Saturday night?" Don't trap her by saying, "What are you doing Saturday night?" Make it easy for her to accept or refuse. Never make it a guessing game.

• When you call a young woman for a date, tell her your plans so she will know how to dress.

• Don't keep asking a young woman for a date if she continually refuses you. But if she declines and gives you a reason or asks for a rain check, the chances are she hopes you will call again.

• Be prompt when you call for your young woman, or telephone if you must be late. And don't sit in the car and honk when you call for her. Go to the door and ask for her.

• Unless you know her very well, you should meet the young woman at her home. Talk with the young womans' parents before you leave. Discuss with them what time they would like to have her home.

• When you make a date weeks in advance, it is considerate to telephone the young woman a few days before the date. This is reassurance for both of you.

• It is always the man who thanks the woman for the evening after he sees her home.

• Never break a date unless it is impossible to keep the commitment. Get another man to fill in for you if you can--after you consult with the woman.

• Open doors for the woman whenever possible.

• When on a dinner date, discuss the menu with the woman and make a few suggestions. She has no other way of knowing what you can afford. You give her order and yours to the waiter. In some places the waiter asks the woman for her order first, then he asks you.

• After dinner it is up to the man to suggest leaving the restaurant. He knows the plans for the evening.

• If, at a party, no one is presiding at the punch bowl, serve your partner and yourself. Then walk away from the table so others may be served.

Dances

• You and your date should always have the first and the last dance together.
• The female always precedes her partner to the dance floor.
• When a male asks a female for a dance, the answer should be simply "Yes, certainly" or "I am sorry, I would like to sit this one out."
• Never refuse a dance with one male and accept one with another for the same dance. This reflects very poor manners.

Teas And Receptions

There may be a receiving line, the purpose of which is to make it easy, convenient and certain that each guest meet the VIPs (very important people) for the occasion. The "VIPs" may be the hostesse, officers of an organization and/or sponsors of an activity.

When the activity has a planned program featured, the receiving line is formed after the program is presented.

Approach the receiving line with a smiling face. If the hostess does not immediately say your name clearly, then introduce any companion you may have with you. It is the hostess’ duty to introduce the guest of honor, and to set the precedent whether or not to shake hands. Avoid holding up the line with a long conversation but don't limit yourself strictly to just "How do you do." A pleasant sentence or two is in order.

Manners In Public

On The Street

A: In this country, tradition has long maintained that the man should keep to the outside, or curb side of the pavement. In order to remain in this position, he moves behind his companion as necessity requires when they change the direction of their walk. The woman automatically moves to the right or left in response to his change of position. If one man is walking with two women, he continues to take the outside position; he does not walk between them. One woman walking with two men, on the other hand, does take the middle position.

Q: Who is expected to speak first when acquaintances meet in passing?

A: It is the woman's role to speak first if there is any hesitation about recognition. Usually, both people are likely to speak almost in unison. This is a situation where friendliness is more important than strict adherence to the rule. Say "Hello, Jane," “How do you do, Mr. Jones?", or "Good morning."

Q: When does a man offer his arm to a woman?

A: If a man and a woman are walking together in a crowd, the man offers his arm to the woman to prevent separation. A man will also offer his arm, for example, to an older woman when she is crossing the street or climbing steps. The man does not grip the woman's arm and push her along ahead of him. He crooks his elbow and allows his companion to slip her hand through comfortably. Women should not hang heavily on a man's arm.

Q: When does a man tip or remove his hat?

A: Since many men go hatless, this problem does not arise as frequently as in the past. However, for the man who wears a hat, custom has not changed.

A man tips his hat:

1. When he greets a woman he knows as they pass each other on the street or in other public places.
2. When he is walking with a woman and the woman greets a friend (man or woman) who is passing by.
3. When he is walking with another man who greets a woman as she is passing. If the friend being greeted is a man instead of a woman, none of the men tip their hats.
4. To a clergyman, although he does not ordinarily tip his hat to other men.

A man removes his hat:

1. When he stops to talk with a woman he knows on the street, in an elevator, an apartment building or hotel.
2. When he is walking with a woman and she stops to talk with another woman. If his companion stops to talk with another man, he does not remove his hat.
3. When women are in close proximity and removing his hat is practicable--club, hotel, apartment house elevators, foyers. He usually does not remove his hat in public buildings such as railroad or bus terminals, in office building corridors and elevators, nor does he remove his hat when walking through hotel lobbies and department stores, or in other stores.

Q: Who passes first through the doorways of buildings?

A: In general, when a man and woman are entering a building together, the man opens the door and then stands aside to allow the woman to enter first. However, convenience, safety and strength must be considered, especially in public buildings where the doors are frequently heavy and hard to hold open. In this situation it is better for the man to go through first, forcing the door open and holding it while the woman follows him. If the door is a revolving door, the woman enters first and the man puts the door in motion for her. If the door is an elevator door, the woman enters first and the man follows and gives the floor number to the operator or pushes the button. When the desired floor has been reached, the man stands aside and allows the woman to leave the elevator ahead of him.

Q: Can I chew gum while walking?

A: It is not considered good manners to chew gum or to eat while walking on the street. However, if you do chew gum in spite of all advice against it, let your rhythm be noiseless. Do not chew when you are talking.

Q: Should I display affection in public?

A: Avoid familiarities or any display of emotions such as anger; warmth of affection or passion. Be poised. An affectionate greeting or good-bye has its place in travel settings only.

On The Street—Tips

• Be respectful and considerate of elderly persons on the street.
• Don’t talk or laugh so loud that you attract the attention of others.

In A Public Conveyance

A: The man steps aside to allow the woman he is with to enter a public conveyance first. He does not step aside to allow other women to enter, although it is thoughtful of him to be alert to elderly or infirm women or men who may be at a disadvantage in the crowd. In leaving the vehicle, the man gets out first so that he is in a position to assist the woman.

Q: When does a man give up his seat in a public conveyance to a woman?

A: A man retains his seat in a crowded vehicle unless the woman who enters and stands near him is:

1. Elderly
2. Carrying a baby or attempting to control a small child, is burdened with packages, or is too short to reach the hand-straps
3. Physically disabled (this would of course be true for any disabled person, man or woman).

In A Private Car

A: The man customarily opens the car door and allows the woman to precede him into the vehicle. If the situation involves one man who is driving and one woman, the man opens the front door on the passenger side and seats his companion, then goes around the car to the driver’s side to take his own seat. If the woman is going to drive, the man first seats her in the driving seat and then goes around the car to take his own seat beside her on the passenger side.

In leaving the car, the man steps out first, then goes around the car to the woman's side, opens her door and stands aside or assists her while she leaves the vehicle.

In An Elevator

A: Always allow the group on an elevator to step out before you try to enter. Upon entering, press or give the floor number you desire. Always add a "please” and/or “thank you." If the elevator is crowded, a brief "out please" should suffice when you have reached your floor. Usually, a woman preceded a man both in entering and leaving an elevator, but if this creates a traffic jam, choose the easiest way out.

In Stores Or Shopping

A: Salespersons are a part of your public; treat them with courtesy and consideration. If you have a justified complaint make it to the proper management officials. Don't have the salesperson bring out things for you to see, then decide to think it over, without so much as a "thank you" for their trouble.

For more information, contact your county Extension office. Visit http://www.aces.edu/counties or look in your telephone directory under your county's name to find contact information. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work in agriculture and home economics, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, and other related acts, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The Alabama Cooperative Extension System (Alabama A&M University and Auburn University) offers educational programs, materials, and equal opportunity employment to all people without regard to race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age, veteran status, or disability.