The Alabama Marriage Handbook
Keys to a Healthy Marriage

Support for this handbook was provided by Alabama Department of Economic and Community Development and the Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources Project Managers – Carol Whatley and Glenda Freeman, Alabama Cooperative Extension System Editor – Joanna Acorn Corley Graphic Design – Mary Ferguson Written and compiled by Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D. Director, Center for Children, Youth, and Families, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Auburn University, Extension Specialist, Alabama Cooperative Extension System Brian Higginbotham, Ph.D. Assistant Professor and Extension Specialist, Utah State University David Schramm, PhD. State Specialist, Assistant Professor, University of Missouri--Columbia Amber Paulk, M.S. Center for Children, Youth, and Families, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Auburn University Acknowledgments: We gratefully acknowledge our colleagues in other states who are working to build strong, healthy marriages in their communities and who were willing to support our efforts and share information and materials for this handbook. Most notably, portions of this handbook are adapted from “Marriage Matters: A Guide for Louisiana Couples” and “Raising Your Child Together: A Guide for Unmarried Parents” produced by the Louisiana Department of Social Services; “Intentional Harmony” by Angela Wiley, University of Illinois Extension, www.worklife.uiuc.edu; and from “Saying I Do: Consider the Possibilities” by James Marshall, Utah State University (www.utahmarriage.org). We also acknowledge the following individuals and organizations for their assistance and support: The Honorable Governor Bob Riley and Mrs. Patsy Riley Marian Loftin, Executive Director, and Paul Smelley, Deputy Director, Alabama Children’s Trust Fund Carol Gundlach, Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence Dana Reichert Lee Sentell, Director, Alabama Bureau of Tourism and Travel Bill Johnson, Director, Alabama Department of Economic and Community Affairs Bob Maddox, Administrative Office of Courts Commissioner Richard Dorrough, Department of Children’s Affairs Commissioner Page Walley, Department of Human Resources

Congratulations!

You have made a promise to join in marriage with a very special person. While no two marriages are alike, all people enter into matrimony with similar hopes. You want yours to be successful, happy, and permanent. In a healthy marriage, you and your mate want to be friends, lovers, and partners for life. You have a vision of taking care of each other as you grow older and being there for each other through life’s ups and downs.

As Patsy and I know from more than 45 years together, a strong, healthy, longlasting marriage doesn’t just happen. It occurs when two people are intentional about their union and do whatever it takes to make it work.

As you enter into this new phase of your life, you can do many things to create the kind of relationship that everyone hopes for. We hope that the information in this handbook will help you build a healthy marriage. There has been extensive research about the kinds of things people do that lead to a successful marriage. This handbook is designed to share some of that information with you. Some suggestions may confirm what you are already doing; other information may be new to you. We encourage you to keep this book handy where you can refer to it from time to time to keep the lines of communication open.

A happy family life is a true joy. We have been blessed with a strong union, four talented children, and a growing number of grandchildren who are the absolute delights of our lives. We wish you the same sort of joy in the years ahead.

Best wishes and Godspeed.

We hope that you will:

Save this handbook and look at it from time to time, especially when questions or difficult situations come up in your relationship.

Check out the publications, resources, and Web sites suggested in this handbook. They can provide additional information about topics in this guide.

Participate in premarital preparation before you marry or in marriage education programs at any time in your marriage. These programs teach valuable tips, skills, and attitudes that form the foundation for good relationships. Both men and women find these programs very helpful—and enjoyable!

Seek help for your marriage if you experience trouble. Not all marriages can or should be saved, but many can be. Don’t wait until your situation is very serious before getting help.

There are many agencies, organizations, and individuals in the state of Alabama who care about you and your efforts to build a strong and lasting marriage. Healthy marriages and healthy families create healthy communities—something we all want. We wish you all the best and hope that this guide is helpful in your journey.

Keys to a Successful Marriage

Managing	your Marriage
Money Work & Family Home & House-Care Responsibilities Children In-Laws

Special Topics

Issues that hurt
              relationships
Substance Abuse, Gambling, & Other Addictions
Mental Health Problems
Sexual Infidelity

Domestic	Violence
About Domestic Violence Myths & Facts Where to Get Help

Resources