ALABAMA A&M and AUBURN UNIVERSITIES

Motivating A Child To Learn Takes Love and Patience

AUBURN, NOV. 5---Well-meaning, interested adults who try to motivate children to learn may be doing just the opposite without realizing it.

For many and often complex reasons, a child can be an underachiever, unmotivated and discouraged, says Dr. Jennifer Kerpelman, an Extension family and child development specialist with the Alabama Cooperative Extension System.

The two fundamental reasons are fear of failure and feelings of inadequacy.

Some children believe they cannot meet the high standards and expectations of parents and teachers. Instead of challenging or questioning these expectations, children are often intimidated by competition and question their own adequacy, which undermines their sense of self-worth.

Parents and teachers have many opportunities throughout the day to encourage children. What adults say and how they say it have a profound effect on how children see themselves, Kerpelman adds.

Demonstrate caring by acknowledging, recognizing and describing the effort children put into their work. Focus on the behavior you appreciate rather than imply a child is 'more valuable' or 'good' when they achieve or perform to your expectations.

Sarcasm, criticism and nit picking reinforce negative feelings children may have about themselves. Parents should resist the urge to compare their child with others. This causes undue stress and feelings of inadequacy for the children.

Kerpelman says parents and teachers can help children value themselves by:

* Accepting and respecting each child as a unique person. Encourage children's strengths in areas in which they do well, even if those activities are unrelated to school work. This helps children see themselves as capable.

* Keeping expectations realistic and age-appropriate. Brains and bodies develop over time, each reaching a stage of development at its own pace. The order is more important than speed. Don't hurry development; nurture it, being continually aware of a child's physical and mental readiness to move on.

* Helping children identify their goals, not yours.

* Allowing children to do things on their own. Provide opportunities for children to meet challenges and to overcome obstacles. Don't jump to a child's rescue every time. If possible, let the child handle it.

* Accepting mistakes. Let children know it's okay to make mistakes and that people learn from failures as well as successes. Share your mistakes to let children know that no one's perfect and they aren't expected to be either. Share "fun times" with a child. Parent-child togetherness helps a child feel significant, valued and secure.

SOURCE: DR. JENNIFER KERPELMAN, Extension Family and Child Development Specialist, Alabama Cooperative Extension System (334) 844-4149