Taking Stock of Fatherhood: Some Useful Tips

Father’s Day is a day set aside each year to celebrate those fathers who have taken the time to know their children. But one expert believes it is also an appropriate time for fathers to reflect on the many unique ways they contribute to their children’s well-being.

“Studies have consistently revealed the formative role fathers play in their children’s physical skills and social development,” said Dr. Ellen Abell, an Alabama Cooperative Extension System family and child development expert and Auburn University professor of human development and family studies.

But it goes even deeper than that, she contended.

“Engaged fathers also play a major role in their children’s intellectual development,” Abell observed. “For example, infants whose fathers are involved in caring and playing with them tend to develop more cognitive skills.”

A father’s involvement is also reflected in the comparative success these children enjoy in school, she said. This can be true even for children who do not live with their fathers on a daily basis.

“Children with involved fathers tend to fare better in every category,” Abell stressed. “They get more As and are less likely to repeat grades. In addition to taking part in more extracurricular activities, they also tend to enjoy school more.”

Father’s Day, Abell believes, is also a good time for dads to pause and take stock of the quality of their involvement by asking the following questions:

Is your child the center of your attention, or is the time you spend with them just done to keep them busy?
When you’re with your child, are you doing things he/she would like to do?
Do you save time and energy so you can spend it with your child, or do you interact only when it’s convenient?
Are you just as happy spending ordinary time with your child with no particular purpose in mind as you are when you have a purpose?

The amount and quality of time fathers spend with children are especially important issues since, in many cases, fathers are not their children’s primary care givers.

“Quality time helps fathers understand their children better,” she said. “Likewise, it helps the child see his/her dad as a whole person.”

There are many ways fathers can develop this quality time, including becoming more physically involved in their children’s lives. Examples of physical involvement include:

· Exercising with your child

· Getting involved with your child’s sports team

· Taking your child shopping

· Monitoring your child’s TV and computer viewing habits

· Sharing a common hobby with your child

· Involving your child in daily chores – planning meals, budgeting and/or shopping

Equally important is the need for fathers to become socially and intellectually engaged with their children, Abell said.

“Social involvement could include getting to know your children’s friends, telling your children you love them on a regular basis, and being affectionate with them in appropriate ways,” she said. “Learning to talk and to really listen to your child is a very important way to be involved.”

Finally, she also stressed how important it is for fathers to take an active role in their children’s learning.

“This could be as simple as helping you children with their homework or exploring things and places of interest together,” she said.

“Reading is especially important,” Abell said. “Just as important, you should see yourself as your child’s primary teacher.”

(Source: Dr. Ellen Abell, Extension Family and Child Development Specialist, 334-844-4480.)

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