Holidays Aren’t Happy Occasions for Everyone

For many, holidays, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year’s, are festive occasions. These holidays are a time of deepening friendships and family ties, reflecting on religious values, being thankful and resolving to improve in the coming year.

However, for others, these holidays bring some unpleasant side effects, even depression.

Most of what we hear about holiday depression or “the holiday blues” comes from the press, and it is difficult to sort out folklore from facts, says Dr. Ellen Abell, a family and child development specialist with the Alabama Cooperative Extension System. While there has been little research on the topic, it is true that the number of admissions to mental health institutions for treatment of depression-related illnesses increase, just after the holiday season.

Abell says the expectations people have for the holiday season sometimes set them up for depression. For example, they expect everything to be so perfect when the family visits that they become physically and emotionally exhausted.

Some people reflect on holiday seasons of the past and feel sad that the holidays aren’t what they used to be. When visiting with family and friends, people may expect a high degree of closeness and quality time, even though they haven’t visited with each other in quite a while.

Mothers are especially vulnerable to depression during the holidays and may feel personally responsible to see that everyone in the family has a great time. They may feel guilty if someone doesn’t fully enjoy the time in their home.

When holidays hold special religious meaning for people, they may expect special spiritual feelings and get disappointed if they don’t experience them.

Narrowing the distance between beliefs and behavior can help many people avoid the holiday depression trap, says Abell.

Unhappiness and frustration usually occur when what happens doesn’t match what was expected to happen. On one hand, you may need to adjust your beliefs about what should happen over the holidays. On the other hand, you may need to act more in accord with your beliefs. For example, you may have holiday-related expectations about housekeeping, meal preparation, gift-giving and receiving, relationships and other things. Look at these carefully and ask, “Are they realistic?” It’s probably not realistic to expect that you will clean the carpets, draperies and closets, refinish the kitchen chairs, and wash every square inch of walls, woodwork and windows before relatives arrive.

Some people -- widows, widowers, older singles and those who are separated from loved ones, such as those serving in the military -- often have feelings of loneliness during the holiday season. These feelings are not abnormal but can be helped by visiting friends or family, taking a fun trip or by helping out a needy family.

SOURCE: Dr. Ellen Abell, Family and Child Development Specialist, Alabama Cooperative Extension System, (334) 844-4480.

Posted by Jim Langcuster at December 16, 2004 09:38 AM