Extension Report

Baldwin County Extension Office

302A Byrne Street

Bay Minette, Al  36507

Amanda Outlaw

Regional Extension Agent, Urban                                                                                                                                                                            April 7, 2009                

Increase Communication with Your Teens

Change happens all around us, but sometimes we resist the changes our teens go through because we can’t believe that they are growing up. We want them to stay our sweet little ones with no problems. But this will not happen and we have to be open to the fact that they are growing up. Improving the way we communicate our needs and concern for their welfare begins with a proactive mindset.  “Because I said so” in the heat of a disagreement will only create an atmosphere of distrust.  When teens become adults, we want them to be able to make the best decision for their lives and the lives of others they care about.

As a parent of a teen you have to set limits on behaviors. Parents also have to model the behavior they expect from their teens. At the same time, we have to permit our teens some freedom to explore and learn from experiences. But with increased freedom comes added responsibilities that must be discussed with your teen in a clear and non threatening manner. As the old adage states “It’s not what you say but how you say it that makes the difference”. We all can disagree on something but working through the disagreement will provide your teen with skills of creative negotiation and problem solving.

The Alabama Cooperative Extension System has several publications in the Principles of Parenting series that can help parents navigate through the teen years. These publications are available to the public and can be downloaded from our web site at www.aces.edu. In the Principles of Parenting series, publication HE-781 – Communicating with your teen: Negotiation, there are some steps that can guide you in communicating better with your teen. In step one, you have to establish some ground rules that you both must follow like treating each other with respect; avoid name calling, sarcasm and put downs. Listen to each other’s point of view but remember to stay calm and respectful of each other. Step two, reach a mutual understanding and repeat what you think the other has said. This shows that you both are listening to each other and trying to understand. Step three, brainstorm, where each one comes up with different possible solutions to the problem. In step four, agree to a solution and being the proactive family that you are, agree on a solution that you both can live with. In step five, write down your agreement so that you and your teen know what has been agreed upon and if amnesia hits either one of you, you will have the document you both signed to review and refresh your memory.

These are very stressful times that we are experiencing in our community and country. The family has to work together so that our homes can be a haven for peace and quiet reflection. The home should be a place where we build on the strengths of all of our family members. We build each other up and work together when there is a problem that affects any family member. The proverbial street is not a place where you want your teen to learn life lessons and make any decision that affects his life, which in turn affects the family. So if talking together and listening can help in any way, why not give it a try.

For teen activities after school or during the summer months, feel free to call 251-574-8445, Amanda Outlaw, Urban Regional Extension Agent, serving Mobile and Baldwin counties since 1999. We will come and help map out a plan for your teen or youth group.

Adults and youth work together at the Arthur Outlaw Convention Center, assembling disaster preparedness materials to distribute to senior citizens and families during spring break 2009.

Email address: aoutlaw@aces.edu

Phone: 937-7176 or 943-5611, 928-0860, ext. 2222

The Alabama Cooperative Extension System (Alabama A&M and Auburn Universities) in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture is an equal opportunity educator and employer.