EXTENSION REPORT

Keeping Your Cool When Parenting Teens

Adolescence is a difficult time for young people.  During those years they face physical changes; peer pressure; exposure to drugs and alcohol; and increased expectations and scrutiny from parents and teachers.  But, as hard as it is being a teenager, being a parent of one is even harder.

After years of being the primary influence on their children, parents of teens suddenly find their kids are more interested in what their friends think and do.  Also, depending on the child, outright rebellion against family rules and values can take a painful toll.  The following strategies can help you keep your cool and your love intact during your children’s teen years.

• Learn about adolescent development.  Knowing what behaviors to expect can help you prepare for parenting challenges.
• Look back at your own teen years.  Remembering your own moods, risk-taking activities, and attitudes toward your parents and adults can help you understand teen behavior.
• Consider taking a teen-parenting course.  Look for one taught by someone with experience in child development or who has spent time counseling teens.  Expect to learn from the instructor and other parents facing similar challenges.
• Use positive reinforcement.  Criticism and excessive punishment, including words that belittle, can hurt a teen’s self-esteem, thereby increasing rebellious behavior.  When parent-child communication is characterized by warmth, kindness, consistency and love, the relationship will flourish, as will self-esteem, cooperation and respect.
• Teach your teen that rights and responsibilities go hand in hand.  Give your child increasing responsibilities for his or her well-being and that of the family.
• Include your child in discussions involving setting rules and establishing consequences for breaking them.  This will increase the chance your teen will respect his or her boundaries most of the time.  The most difficult thing about monitoring a teen is maintaining the balance between too much and too little control.  Just as it requires setting firm limits when it would be easier to let things slide, it also requires parents to be continually vigilant to ensure they know where their children are and what they’re doing.
• Help your child move toward independence.  Parents who encourage independent thought and expression in their children often find they’re raising children who have a healthy sense of self and an enhanced ability to resist peer pressure.
• Spend quality and quantity time with your child.  Teens begin to pull away from their families and spend more time with friends.  But time spent with their parents is key to their emotional development.  Stay involved in your child’s outside interests; attend his or her school and extracurricular activities.
• Encourage other adults, including friends and relatives, to spend time with your child. Aunts and uncles or adult neighbors can offer your child support and guidance.

 When Teens Need Help

All teens need daily support and guidance, but some need extra help from outside the family.  Early intervention is crucial in reducing the damage serious problems might cause.  Signs your child might need help include:

• Spending a lot of time alone
• Sudden drop in school performance
• Drastic mood swings or changes in behavior
• Separation from longtime friends
• Lack of interest in hobbies or social and recreational activities
• Drug or alcohol abuse

      If talking with your child doesn’t improve the situation, seek support and guidance from school resources or mental health professionals.  All teens have problems.  There’s no need to feel embarrassed when your child is being difficult or having trouble in school or with peers.  Finally, don’t look for drastic solutions.  Like adults, teens sometimes need time and support to solve their problems.

Credit to the following:  Barbara Floria, editor of Vitality.  For more information, visit the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services/National Clearinghouse on Family & Youth at www.ncfy.com

Email address: cknowlto@aces.edu
Phone number: 937-7176 or 943-5611, 928-0860, ext. 2222

Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work in agriculture and home economics, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, and other related acts, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The Alabama Cooperative Extension System (Alabama A&M University and Auburn University) offers educational programs, materials, and equal opportunity employment to all people without regard to race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age, veteran status, or disability.