Extension Report

Baldwin County Extension Office

302A Byrne Street

Bay Minette, AL  36507

Telephone (251) 937-7176 or

928-0860/943-5611 ext. 2222

FAX (251) 937-7285

Cynthia G. Knowlton

Regional Extension Agent/4-H

January 19, 2010

Communication Cues Parents Can Use

When talking with your teen, it is important that your non-verbal communication cues support what you are saying verbally and not get misconstrued with how frustrated you are at work, for example. No one wants to talk to a grouch or someone who isn’t really paying attention, which is what your nonverbal cues could be saying to your teen. Here are six actions you can practice to keep communication with your teen positive and ongoing:

Use an upbeat tone of voice. The intonation, volume and pitch of your voice can change the whole meaning of your words. Using an upbeat positive tone of voice will get you more attention than using a pessimistic tone of voice.

Use eye contact when listening to your teen. Eye contact shows the person who is speaking that you are interested in what she is saying and encourages more communication.

Smile as much as possible. Research shows that the face is the primary mode of communicating a person's feelings and the act of smiling can even boost a person’s feelings. So when you smile, it will uplift your attitude toward what you and your teen are talking about, as well as your teen’s outlook on what you are saying.

Use open gestures. Avoid finger pointing, crossing your arms and putting your hands on your hips. More positive movements like leaning forward and nodding will encourage your teen to share more about what she is thinking.

Don’t be afraid to touch your teen. Hugs and goodnight kisses are still important, although your teen may wish to be asked first. Hold her hand when she needs to be consoled or give her a pat on the back when you are praising her. These touches convey our unconditional love for our children and should not be stopped just because your teen has gotten older.

Finally, an important skill for parents to master is "active listening." When parents listen actively, they send children the message that they are important enough to have the parent's undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents take the time to use active listening. Importantly, when a parent is an active listener, he or she is able to guide children to solve problems for themselves.

Here are steps to master this listening skill:

-Stop what you are doing

-Look at your child

-Give your full attention

-Listen to what is said

-Comment on what you think you heard

If your teen agrees that what you heard is what they said and they have asked for an answer, give one. If no question has been asked, comment that you understand. If you did not understand what was said, ask your teen to clarify what they are trying to tell you and repeat the last two steps until you do.  Credit to the following: Denise Witmer, About.com guide.

For more information about the Baldwin County 4-H Program, upcoming activities/events and summer camp, contact Cynthia Knowlton at the Baldwin County Extension Office, 251/937-7176 or 251/709-8749.

Email address: cknowlto@aces.edu

Phone number: 937-7176 or 943-5611, 928-0860, ext. 2222

The Alabama Cooperative Extension System (Alabama A&M and Auburn Universities) in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture is an equal opportunity educator and employer.